Thursday, March 24, 2011

Now... WHAT?

I am a fan of 'finished'. There is so much POWER in 'finished'. I associate it with accomplished, victorious, achieved, done. I especially love 'finished' when it applies to a house hold project, but my favorite 'finished' has to do with finish lines. I love races, and I love finish lines. One of the greatest thrills of my life was crossing the finish line of the marathon I ran.

Jonah has finished, in a way he is done. It's a little painful. But as the rest of us run, walk, or hobble forward on our course, Jonah continues to bless our lives.

We are doing well. Our kids are well. We are not actively grieving. We are all involved in healthy activities and make time to spend with other people-to connect with people we love and who love us. It has been good.

We do, however, have rough moments. For instance, Jaya turned two a week ago and I could not bring myself to celebrate-I just avoided it. I woke up today and realized she isn't the one who died, and she needs a birthday cake and a present! And in planning a family party for tonight that coincides nicely with BYU's "Sweet Sixteen" appearance and Jimmer's run for the "Elite Eight", I have much to do to keep my mind occupied with the here and now. See how that works? What a blessing it is to have little people who depend on me to continue moving in a normal, predictable pattern.

I dream of Jonah. I see him wake up from death. I feel him in my arms. I wake up happy. Even though he is gone, I keep learning from him as I reflect on his life. And I keep hearing his voice in my mind. It says, "Dear Mom..."

I have a need to share what I hear him say because I am afraid I will lose it if I don't. I look forward to sharing that soon...:)

Until then, Go JIMMER!


  1. You are such a rock and inspiration to us all!

    And yes...GO BYU & Jimmer!

  2. Beautifully said. Thinking of you with a tender heart-- xo

  3. I love the connection you have with your kids - all of them. looking forward to hear more about Jonah.