Tuesday, April 12, 2011
What would you do if you knew you had very little time with one you loved?
I have mentioned Rob's fateful prayer about Jonah having 'other work to do', and I just want to add little something about that. When Rob said that prayer, I could feel that Jonah's time was very short. It may sound strange, but I could feel the next life pushing on him, waiting for him, expecting him. At the same time, I felt peace because it wasn't time yet.
A few days later, I was holding Jonah working at the computer and I had an overwhelming sense of urgency. His time was coming. I thought to myself, "I need to hurry and get all the things done I want to with him before he goes!" And so I starting taking mental inventory of all the things I wanted for Jonah: 1. Name and a blessing-Done. 2. Pictures with the family-Done. 3. Jonah to know he is loved-Done. 4. Memories for our other kids-Done.
As I went through my list I realized that everything I felt was important was already accomplished. I asked myself, "If he dies tomorrow, would I do anything different than I am doing right now?" And surprisingly, the answer was no. So then I was able to relax and just enjoy holding my baby. Perhaps breathing in the details a little deeper. Stroking his hair. Kissing his soft skin. Holding him close. Knowing that his time was coming, and being at peace about it.
If you knew you would die tomorrow, would you do anything different than you are right now? Most of us won't die tomorrow, but when we lay down tonight, today will be gone. Today dies. We don't get it back. How precious is one day? It is as precious as we make it.
So today I will smile more, laugh more, hug my kids extra. I choose today. It could be the best day yet...
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
We recently had a Relief Society activity themed, "Getting 'Purse'-onal". We talked about how every woman has a different purse and we can't effectively love and help our sisters if we don't know what she's carrying in her purse. Metaphoric for you don't really know a person till you walk a mile in their shoes. Our dear speaker had us all crying with laughter as she reminded us all not to shave our 'stache. And her message was powerful. Everyone is carrying something heavy in her purse so we need to love first and judge never. I started thinking about my own purses.
A while before Jonah was born, I bought myself a cute smallish green purse. Instead of giving myself a ridiculous hair cut like I always do at the end of pregnancy, I splurged on a purse of all things. Something, anything, to draw attention AWAY from my roundness. Like a purse or a haircut could possibly help! Anyway, It certainly wasn't flashy, but it did the job with more style than I am used to. I am a very functional kind of gal.:)
Then, a few weeks before Jonah was born, I went to 'Time Out For Women' with a dear friend and her family. I loved it. Plus, they gave us a bag. It was bright red with white flowers on it. Darling. It became my purse/Jonah's bag. It was LARGE and durable. It carried formula, an oxygen monitor, a feeding pump, a book, diapers, wipes, and on and on. After Jonah passed away, my wallet and phone got lost in that big bag. So I had to retire it.
A week or so after Jonah's funeral a dear friend brought a cute and functional bag/purse full of items to pamper a mom plus a roll of smiley face stickers. :) It is cream with bright pink (a personal fav) handles and bottom. It is my purse for now. It is a little big for what I need, in fact its empty most of the time, but I love carrying around a personal reminder of the love of a friend-that represents so many friends- that continue to help me carry my purse that's a little too empty now. I can't go back to my cute green purse yet-maybe ever. Is that silly? I am just not the same person.
On a 'purse'-onal note, I am extremely grateful for friends. If I started listing the love and kindnesses shown it would take all day and I would inevitably leave some treasure untold. But my burden is light. Many hands make light work. What a blessing to be a woman. What a blessing to have friends.
So I ask you... What's in your purse and can I give you a hand?